Counselling Self-Esteem
Self Esteem
Self-esteem generally refers to how much confidence someone has in their own abilities and worth. The well-known Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places self-esteem at the center of what drives humans along with other necessities such as safety, love, and having enough food.
Self-esteem affects us all, it not only affects our thoughts but our behavior as well. For instance, someone with self-esteem may not believe that they are good enough for an opportunity and as result, might not even try for it, even knowing they could actually achieve it.
Our self-esteem will vary up and down throughout anyone’s life. It does not change quickly, however. Instead the change is gradual as a result of an ongoing internal monologue about a person’s sense of self-worth.
Improving one’s self-esteem takes quite a bit work, time and effort. In many cases, individuals may have unusually high self-esteem, which can also be unhealthy and might indicate a narcissistic personality disorder. Those with lower self-esteem, usually suffer from other health-related issues such as depression.
Signs / Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem
It can be extremely difficult for an individual to recognize self-esteem or negative self-image of themselves. Particularly those who’ve experienced negative thought patterns for a long time and therefore normalized it. Checking in on your self-esteem and self-image is extremely important for self-care.
Many people with lower self-esteem or negative self-image may behave meek, but they may also overcompensate by acting confident. Overcompensating can also take the form of belittling others, which can be very harmful to relationships.
Unfortunately, a low self-esteem and poor self-image can also lead to mental illness. For instance, metal health issues such as anxiety or depression, can result. Low self-image can also lead to eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
People with low self-esteem may:
- Feel ashamed, embarrassed, doubt their skills.
- Believe in failure, avoid compliments.
- Blame others for everything.
- Hurt others to feel better.
- Set little or no boundaries.
Some individuals with low self-esteem and self-image issues can also have physical symptoms which can include some or all of the following:
- Headaces.
- Digestive issues (with no cause).
- Insomnia.
- Back pain from poor posture.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
When it comes to factors of low self-esteem, every individual is different. Sometimes a person has low self-esteem as a result of a traumatic event. In other cases, several slammer events in life may have chipped away at someone’s esteem.
Uncovering the root causes of an individuals self-esteem can be achieved through therapy. Working with a professional can help individuals find and address what has triggered their self-esteem issues.
After working with an individual and uncovering causes of low self-esteem, patients can work to realize that these thoughts were not necessarily correct to being with and they are much more deserving of good things.
Some causes of low self-esteem include:
Religious guilt.
Emotionally distant parents.
Perfectionist tendencies.
Difficulty in school.
Bullying with no parental protection.
High-conflict divorce by parents.
Building Health Self-Esteem / Self Image
Unhealthy self-esteem and self image can manifest itself over time. The following are some common techniques people can use to build healthy self-esteem and self-image.
Take Power Away from Negative Thinking
Thoughts that run through are heads are simply liquid-thoughts and not hard-truths. One way to help along your self-esteem is to acknowledge that thoughts are simply ephemeral and not facts. This takes the power away from the negative thought process.
Flipping Things Around
When negative thoughts should happen, flpp them around. Respond to a negative thought with its positive counterpart, instead:
- “I don’t deserve a promotion at work.” becomes “I’m working hard and trying to best”.
- “I’m a burden to everyone.” becomes “I’m grateful for love and support I receive”.
- “I’m unattractive!” becomes “I have a lovely profile”.
Avoid Comparisons
A recent phenomenon and in-line with the emergence of social media, we often find ourselves compared to others constantly. Its important for those working on their self-esteem to avoid comparing themselves with others. Keep in mind that most people are trying to put their best face forward and that you might not be seeing struggles in the lives of others.
Any of the mentioned techniques can be useful for people with unhealthy self-esteem, but working on these issues counselling can create the most effective change.
Counselling for Self-Esteem
Counsellors can use pshychotherapy and psychoanalysis to help those with faulty self esteem. The process typically beings with the identification of causes of low self-esteem. The counsellor can then work on building a healthier perspective on these triggers and the individual itself.
Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, can also work quite well in this process. Counsellors also give individuals things to work on at home that can add value to therapy, such as journaling.